In the Spring of 2001, I was mid-way through my freshman year of college at the University of California, Irvine. One night, as I was searching for a scene to do for an acting class, my friend Phil helpfully pointed me in the direction of a Kids in the Hall fan site, with transcripts from almost every episode. “Why don’t you look for something there?” he may or may not have said, as this was over ten years ago and what? I’m supposed to remember verbatim what every one of my friends ever said in passing? No.
So look I did. And while I didn’t find something for that class, I did stumble upon this long forgotten gem of a monologue in which Kevin McDonald gives a speech to the girlfriend breaking up with him that she won’t leave him, because you see, he is sexy. And something about it struck a chord with me. So I cut out a few lines to make it come in at under a minute, changed the pronouns and names so that they were more befitting a heterosexual lady, and, thanks to some helpful direction from my voice teacher Crista Flanagan, added a sort of holding-back-tears angle to it of a woman trying desperately to hold it together and believe all the things she’s saying - y’know, to give it stakes. ACTING! And I proceeded to do that monologue for every audition possible for the next four years.
Now, I’ve had a theory going for a while that I cursed myself into becoming that person by doing that monologue so much. I haven’t talked about this theory with anyone. I just silently suspected that perhaps I made myself into a version of this character. Someone who’s off-kilter of the mainstream, someone who grows on you like gorgonzola cheese. I entered college a non-glasses-wearing girl who’d never willingly watched Star Trek and came out a person who gets paid to argue with other nerds about which character would win in a fight.
Of course, this is ridiculous. Repeated performances of a sketch comedy monologue didn’t seal my fate. All of these attributes and tastes were latent within me and it simply took meeting the right people to foster them. But then there are days like today, where I start out listening to Spotify to get ideas for a script I’m trying to write and I accidentally end up with an extreme appreciation for the weirdness and rocking-outness of Meat Loaf, and I’m like … Kids in the Hall, did you do this?
Thats all I’m saying.